THE DRAMA OF THE BALANCING ACT

I must be careful not to upset this balancing act I`m in. Be very careful not to step on the delicate equations of empty dreams. Most importantly I must never turn away from the dark realms of unknown territories.

Be damned! Don`t tell me you`ve never heard of the saying 'just do it'?

For fools. I`ve been there. Reality speaks by a more logical mathematical equation. I must not be sleepy. I must not be strangled to nothingness by the hands of soft spoken whispering mistakes. I must never ever be sleepy.

So what? Who cares? Talk about sayings,`life is a gamble' and life is a very big gamble. New territories are to be explored not kept away in one dark corner of assumption.

One who knows the equations in the balancing act must be patient enough with emotions of the self in acquiring the precise answer. Must not be swayed. Must not be swayed.

Have it your way. Fool! Dream on! You`ll never find the right answer for this equation.

You dream on! Fool!

THE KALEIDOSCOPE EYES

"Age of The Thorn Tree" - ( a sketch from my early journal )

Those familiar eyes. They bring bitter sweet memories of my past. What I should tell you would never make sense with those kaleidoscope eyes of yours. I know because I`ve been there. Thus I should just shut up and let you find out for yourself. Opinion and advice at this particular stage would only bore and make you eventually fade away from my life. That`s the last thing that I need now. I should make whatever I have at this point of my life, as infinite as possible and those kaleidoscope eyes are the only connection that I have between you and me for now. My only hope is that you will survive it at least until you have found what you have been looking for. Any which way I won`t put away the thought that I am definitely going to lose you at some point along the way. Still I have faith and good thoughts that you shall come out winner at the end of all this. We shall then look back in happy memories of the kaleidoscope eyes. Together.

THE TROUBLE WITH HAVING A FEELING

Things change. Feelings too change. They take shape from each situation day by day. What we never got used to, became routine as easy as a walk in the park. People change. The trouble with trying to resist changes and wanting things to be as they are, forever if possible, is that you`ll lose. When you lose, it hurts. If you have been losing for the past ages, it`s because you have been denying the true nature of existence itself. Still the feeling of wanting, dominates. How many times you fell and were defeated again and again yet you tend to make the same mistake over and over again.

Perhaps it would be better if you do not ponder in aw at the beginning of a new situation. No matter how much you like it. Nurturing it could lead to another defeat. Unless of course, you have been numbed and immuned by the sickening pain of losing to the nature of existence itself. Changes that is.

THE FLAME

Maybe life is lighting a candle. A definition of life by somebody. It does not matter if your flame is bright or dim because however small your flame is, the important thing is your contribution in lighting it to make this one great light of life. Some people are lucky enough to explode like a supernova in life and their light are seen by most. Others just merely exist with their dim candle ever blowing in the wind just waiting to be blown away.

Do not fret. The way I see it, the dim lights are as great as the bright ones because each cannot exists without the other. Always the opposites of each existence that makes life tick. Thus if you fail to explode just do the opposite. Implode.

THE SLOW TRAIN

I do not know what I want or do I need to want something for now. A reason for me to carry on day by day or should I just be merely making the self happy and comfortable each day? Why is it so hard for me to break away from everyday routine? Lately I`ve been living like a slow train rambling on my rail and at this point couldn`t break away from it. For now I`m just existing here. No plans. Got a dream to catch though but on this rail dreams easily fade away accordingly to time. That`s what dreams do if you don`t catch them fast enough. They just fade. Like the clouds outside the window. You just look at them and couldn`t do anything. What is there to do except watch and ponder.


"The Rain" - ( a sketch from my early journal )